Cats, screens, that awful smell, and murder by proxy
My children are crying, I'm trying not to, all the while attempting to solve what seems to be an unsolvable riddle.
How do I keep a cat, whom I love, who arbitrarily rips the fucking screens out of the windows to get out or in? She's a good cat, she goes outside to do her business- and she, before we put in the summer screens and opened up the windows, would be very polite about asking for what she wanted. Now, she just mauls them and damn the torpedoes.
I have been very firm with her, wrapping her head in mangled screen and growling - "No, Dharma, bad choice." She looks pissed off, a little scared, but more defiant than anything.
I've told my kids that Animal Control is next.
How do I keep a cat, whom I love, who arbitrarily rips the fucking screens out of the windows to get out or in? She's a good cat, she goes outside to do her business- and she, before we put in the summer screens and opened up the windows, would be very polite about asking for what she wanted. Now, she just mauls them and damn the torpedoes.
I have been very firm with her, wrapping her head in mangled screen and growling - "No, Dharma, bad choice." She looks pissed off, a little scared, but more defiant than anything.
I've told my kids that Animal Control is next.
posted by b at 1:57 PM
2 Comments:
if you are not using humor then i have a suggestion or two.
remember cats do not understand english my friend. 'no dharma' while screen wrapping her head, though an appropriate and clearly understood punishment/reward system for your children when they climb out the window, (go ahead, it works) is strangly translated to 'die kittie, die!' in cat speak.
suggestions follow.
1) make her wear one of those 'elizabeth collars'. now rip the screen out furball.
2) taser. no really. set it on stun. wait, thats a phaser. nevermind.
3)guilt. stand in front of the window crying. point at her. 'its all your fault!' females are especially suceptable to this one.
4)earphones. remember the pogues? play the pogues for her. rum, sodomy, and the lash should do the trick. if all else fails,
5) declaw the cunt. it sounds hideous i know, cunt that is. but my grandma has one and it works wonders. declawing i mean. the cats become more sociable with other creatures when they have to make friends.
plus they learn how to box.
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