Somebody threw a "Piss on Christmas" at me

Solstice Sunday afternoon for me is
The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul

Solstice
Christmas
Auld Lang Zyne

On a good chunk of this planet
this is the time when being alone
means flirting with death itself
no matter the LED bling
or thin illusions of connections

Jacob rattles
Bob watches
Indra feels every heartbeat
and, if the only stars we see
are fake atop a storefront tree
...

I heard a woman in the mall the other day, she had 2 little ones, a stroller, and a cell phone, she was tired, and happy - she said to the older, about three, "Oh, honey, don't eat the plastic!", and she sounded so much like a Best Friend with Good Advice, and the little girl pulled it out and held it up and cocked her head (pigtails), waiting...

I bought gloves

The mall smelled awful, like a perfume explosion shot through with the decay of shrubbery and hot glue - most people were frenetic, talking on cells - some not very Christmassy, either - woo - this time of year seemsto bring out the best and the beast in so many - it's confusing to be a Christian, it didn't work for me so I quit but, even so, the messages and the implementation of them seem to make a lot of people behave in odd ways around Advent - maybe we all just need a nap.

Back in the Day when you slept with your family under a pile of blankets, or die, and the winter was dead set against you - at the time when winter seemed darkest, a star, a child, a miracle.

Everything is so quick now, we just haven't learned to separate the myth from the ritual, both are lovely in their way but, taken together as an obligatory (and annual) rite of passage they seem to have become more than what anyone wanted, and less than they truly mean.

Piss on Christmas?  Nah - it's a time when people try a little extra hard to be sweet to one another, and that's something.

Plan b

Ryan Adams is a musical genius!  But, that has little to do with this post...

Today I woke up and got up at 6:59, turned on NPR, showered, drank green tea, packed up my kit, hit the street at 7:48, stopped at the Phreakwood for coffee, cought the bus at 8:18, worked with one of my oldest bestest friends, sometimes housemate, sometimes business partner, C. for 2 hours proofing high school geometry, took a 20 minute walk in the rain, spent an hour and a half in dental care - and they care, I am so glad(!), took another 20 minute walk in the rain, worked for another two hours, caught the 4:17 back downtown, stopped by the Phreakwood for coffee (and to complete a job for a now very happy laptop owner / yogini-waitress) and onion rings, came home and drank green tea and played my guitar while shuffling Ryan Adams music to play along with.

I go to the dentist again Wednesday to hash out and schedule my treatment plan and (thanks to a gift in the mail - very much unexpected) pay off my current (not huge but nominal) balance at said Dental Sanctuary.

I will not be a habitual cigarette smoker by the time The Big Surgery comes down - it's a promise and a fact.

Once my teeth are stabilized and prosthedontically repaired to a level of professional presentation (in my face), and I have regained articulate control of my diction, i will have more work (and thereby money) than I know what to do with - I'm sure I'll have plenty of suggestions - lol.  I owe my kids a trip to Costa Rica & I'm gonna pay up.

The degree is a question I have not yet settled on an answer for, I can finish Psych or Liberal Arts in three semesters or I could get a CPA in 2 years - education and some crossover IT kind of track are also a possibility but, I want to keep my life uncomplicated and nominally profitable with a chance for developing direct residuals - so, don't PM me about scAMway, k?  Thanks.

I've noticed that my way of interacting with people I don't has changed for the better lately, even though there's no noticeable change in the state of my smile, I've found myself doing it more, lately - but, it's nothing to post photos about...

Oh, and I want a YMCA membership - Oi!

I'm kind of concerned about how the change in oral infrastructure will affect my singing - I ain't nobody but me, but I like my voice & hope to make something good come of it soon.  I'll figure that out as the future presents itself, though.

I feel love coming my way
sense it glowing in the
strange light of these
pseudo-winter days;
making believe that spring
is just around the corner,
knowing all along
there's no holding back
the snowstorms gathering
above the great plains.

I am thankful; mindful
in my tired heart,
the gesture is so fine
as the real thing.

And I'm writing poetry (and shit) again - *sigh* - better...

I'm sleeping alone and waking up with myself - it's OK - but, sleeping alone forever isn't part of the plan.

So, yeah, Ryan Adams is a musical genius, and I'm off to play my guitar some more.