Today Was Fucked Up Enough, I Think... (VENT)
Everything went pretty much normally today, until Christina came home.
The boys came home at their normal time - George had group, I had the others do homework & help out, etc.
So, Christina got home (after her therapy appointment) around 5 PM, she worked today, so she had to get ready. I asked her how the appointment went, and she said, "Fine.", but I had the impression she really didn't want to talk about it. I went back to what I was doing.
Anyway, Kevin was watching The Alamo (2004) for his film class, Eric was in the kitchen / dining room making cocoa - and they got into a discussion about a bike that Deanna's boyfriend was going to sell Eric for $20. Eric said that he figured he could turn the bike around on ebay for $150, Kevin said he wanted the bike. I was back & forth through the living room, and came downstairs to hook up the recording deck - the discussion became an arguement, then a hostile conflict - Kevin told Eric he was acting like a jerk over the bike, Eric was muttering at Kevin about how he was acting like a baby, stuff like that.
I went upstairs to break it up, and Christina started yelling at me that I didn't know what was going on, and that Eric was being unfair, and I told her to stay out of it, I just wanted the fight stopped, and besides, Eric didn't have the bike yet, anyway - it was no big deal. She kept up bitching at me, and I said I just wanted the arguing stopped, and went into my room to lie down and get quiet for a few. Christina called her mother and went outside to wait for them to pick her up. They did at about 5:30. About 15 minutes later I get this phone call from Deanna who started in on me about how Christina is miserable and how she "Can't talk to me." and how it's no wonder she doesn't want to live with me anymore.... I told Deanna that Christina wasn't talking to me about this stuff, that I always heard it secondhand from Deanna, and that Christina can (and does) say anything to me that she wants, but that all I could figure was that this was just another case of unhealthy triangulation. She said "You don't show the kids any affection at all. And I'm not going to sit around and put up with it." So, I told her that I was planning on leaving St. George, and I would either take the kids with me, or she could get her shit together and take them if that's what she wants to do. She asked me when I was leaving. I told her I didn't know, but reminded her that I told her from the instant I came to this town that I wouldn't stay here a minute longer than the kids needed to be here, that I didn't have any, nor did I want any roots in this place.
So, she starts yelling and swearing at me, about how "I had to get away from you because of all the Hell you put me through, and now you're doing the same thing to the kids!" I didn't take the bait. I told her if she didn't stop yelling and swearing at me i would hang up. She screamed "Go ahead, hang up on me, I don't give a fuck..." So,, I hung up on her.
Fast forward to about 7:00. Deanna's boyfriend's car pulled up in front of the house. All the kids ran outside and started talking to their mom. I stuck my head out the door and asked "What's up?" Deanna said that Christina was going to a business meeting with them, but needed to change after work. She seemed to be acting like nothing had happened. Well, I didn't have any interest in talking to her so, I went back in the house and finished putting dinner on. After I finished, I went back downstairs and told Christina that I didn't really understand what happened this afternoon. She said, "Well, neither do I. I was suddenly VERY angry, and I'm not sure what it was all about." I told her that her mom called me up, screaming and swearing at me, and Christina apologized and said it wasn't my fault. I told her that I was sorry for participating in her upset, but I didn't know what she wanted or thought because she hadn't communicated anything to me other than anger. She then left to go to the business meeting.
So, WTF?
Anyway, like the subject line says, I'm just venting. I love my kids, and I don't want to "get rid" of them - but, I swear, if she would just go somewhere and be happy, or do whatever so I didn't have to deal with her directly anymore, I would breathe a lot easier. Gah!
Done venting.
I hope your day went better.
The boys came home at their normal time - George had group, I had the others do homework & help out, etc.
So, Christina got home (after her therapy appointment) around 5 PM, she worked today, so she had to get ready. I asked her how the appointment went, and she said, "Fine.", but I had the impression she really didn't want to talk about it. I went back to what I was doing.
Anyway, Kevin was watching The Alamo (2004) for his film class, Eric was in the kitchen / dining room making cocoa - and they got into a discussion about a bike that Deanna's boyfriend was going to sell Eric for $20. Eric said that he figured he could turn the bike around on ebay for $150, Kevin said he wanted the bike. I was back & forth through the living room, and came downstairs to hook up the recording deck - the discussion became an arguement, then a hostile conflict - Kevin told Eric he was acting like a jerk over the bike, Eric was muttering at Kevin about how he was acting like a baby, stuff like that.
I went upstairs to break it up, and Christina started yelling at me that I didn't know what was going on, and that Eric was being unfair, and I told her to stay out of it, I just wanted the fight stopped, and besides, Eric didn't have the bike yet, anyway - it was no big deal. She kept up bitching at me, and I said I just wanted the arguing stopped, and went into my room to lie down and get quiet for a few. Christina called her mother and went outside to wait for them to pick her up. They did at about 5:30. About 15 minutes later I get this phone call from Deanna who started in on me about how Christina is miserable and how she "Can't talk to me." and how it's no wonder she doesn't want to live with me anymore.... I told Deanna that Christina wasn't talking to me about this stuff, that I always heard it secondhand from Deanna, and that Christina can (and does) say anything to me that she wants, but that all I could figure was that this was just another case of unhealthy triangulation. She said "You don't show the kids any affection at all. And I'm not going to sit around and put up with it." So, I told her that I was planning on leaving St. George, and I would either take the kids with me, or she could get her shit together and take them if that's what she wants to do. She asked me when I was leaving. I told her I didn't know, but reminded her that I told her from the instant I came to this town that I wouldn't stay here a minute longer than the kids needed to be here, that I didn't have any, nor did I want any roots in this place.
So, she starts yelling and swearing at me, about how "I had to get away from you because of all the Hell you put me through, and now you're doing the same thing to the kids!" I didn't take the bait. I told her if she didn't stop yelling and swearing at me i would hang up. She screamed "Go ahead, hang up on me, I don't give a fuck..." So,
Fast forward to about 7:00. Deanna's boyfriend's car pulled up in front of the house. All the kids ran outside and started talking to their mom. I stuck my head out the door and asked "What's up?" Deanna said that Christina was going to a business meeting with them, but needed to change after work. She seemed to be acting like nothing had happened. Well, I didn't have any interest in talking to her so, I went back in the house and finished putting dinner on. After I finished, I went back downstairs and told Christina that I didn't really understand what happened this afternoon. She said, "Well, neither do I. I was suddenly VERY angry, and I'm not sure what it was all about." I told her that her mom called me up, screaming and swearing at me, and Christina apologized and said it wasn't my fault. I told her that I was sorry for participating in her upset, but I didn't know what she wanted or thought because she hadn't communicated anything to me other than anger. She then left to go to the business meeting.
So, WTF?
Anyway, like the subject line says, I'm just venting. I love my kids, and I don't want to "get rid" of them - but, I swear, if she would just go somewhere and be happy, or do whatever so I didn't have to deal with her directly anymore, I would breathe a lot easier. Gah!
Done venting.
I hope your day went better.
posted by b at 8:12 PM
4 Comments:
Yes, sometimes things are unpredictably "Mucked Up".
BUT then there are also times when the element of surprise is wonderful & amazingly perfect. Last night's find was just that.
Thank You <3 ~ allmyheart
wow...
inane argument, communication breakdown, and a bitchy ex-wife.
sounds like a long day.... deep cleansing breaths. ;-)
This morning, I have a little rant:
Once a parent, always a parent. So,
my dear mother expresses her concerns re: my (her adult daughter's) life. She's worried that maybe somehoe, I am going to Fmuck my life up.
I've concluded & expressed to her that I've already done the things that Fmuck one's life up.
That legal piece of paper deal... so easily gotten into ~ much more complicated & expensive to get out of. I've no intentions of getting into that same deal again.
Being responsible for others lives... I'm sure a Fmuck am NOT going to find myself expecting... child.
I've no intentions of becoming addicted to neither drugs nor alcohol.
I am certainly NOT going to settle for being anyone's "Fmuck Puppet", Keeper, Dish Rag, "Sugar Mama", Tatget Practice, or Door Mat.
I end with, "Dear Mom, (ding, ding, ding) Perhaps, for the first time in a long time... I'm about as unmucked up as can be!
Have a little faith, mom; I AM an infmuckable ~ unfmuckable upper of a WOaaaaaa~man.
:)
Please, 'cuse my typos- it's early.
xo
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