Bad mood

I am irritable, I am tired, I know I won't be sleeping, though. It started last night when the kids' mom came over to visit. By the time she left I wanted to do her bodily harm, for no apparent reason. Her mother came, too, for a short time- she brought my oldest daughter home from where the shuttle dropped her off after camp.

I have been in a foul mood for 24 hours now. I've tried to call friends to talk to. No luck getting through. I took my kids swimming, and had a miserable time. They started playing Jesus music at the city-operated pool - now, I don't have anything against Christian music, per se, but hearing at the Municipal Pool int he middle of Mormonland (deep behind the Zion curtain), PISSED ME OFF - I mean to the point where I needed to leave.

I tried taking a walk by myself to the gas-station - I bought cigarettes and a Big Slam Dew- everybody I encountered seemed happy / content / adjusted - whatever. I've tried chain-smoking. I tried reading aloud to the kids. I told the kids that I'm in a horrible mood, have no idea why, and just to please leave me alone. They seem sad and inadequate because they can't help.

I tried playing my guitar for awhile - it all just sounds like a mishmash of noise.

I tried surfing the web for jokes, they piss me off. I tried looking a pictures of stupid / funny thing - no good. So, I figured I'd just sit here and type, and it's not doing anything but irritating me more because I'm not saying anything!

I don't want to do anything, not even this.