A Light Breeze

I called to talk to you
The phone Gods won’t let me through
They say your bill is way past due
So, I’m blue

So, I’m sitting down
To write you a letter
But, it won’t be long enough
To replace the sound of your voice

The kids are in the kitchen
Cleaning up the breakfast remains
I’ve got Jesus music on the box
And a lonely feeling in my bones

Jesus gives way to Neil Young

“One of these days, I’m going to sit down
and write a long letter
to all the good friends I have known
And I’m going to try
To thank them all for the good times together
Though, so apart we have grtown
…
One of these days
And it won’t be long”

The music goes on and I am in it
Watching scenes from where I’ve been
Sights and scents drift up from months gone
Years gone in a whirlwind of incense and cannabis
Perfume and coffee
The color of blown smoke from cigarettes at night
The constant crackle of deep fryers and punk on the box
The freeform poets that don’t know themselves as such
Speaking into the thick air and pressing themselves
Like lovers
Into the echoes of their own voices
in my mind’s ear

I sit, again, for a moment, on your back step
Looking into the woods, and wondering
What next?
Now I know what is next, and I wonder
What next?

God shuffles my feet

I have no doubt
About where I should be
But, that lack of doubt breeds
Such agony sometimes
Knowing that wishing is futile

I am well fed
My skin is turning brown
I have toys and children surrounding me
There is light and life in my home
Problems abound, but they’re picked up
Like dust-bunnies and dealt and delegated
And solved quickly or not solved yet,
never ignored

“All the years that have come to pass
And all the years that shall be
I see here, right before me
I see here, before me”
-Crash Test Dummies

I get that feeling sometimes
Of being able to hold it all
In one hand
To peer down into everything
All at once
But there is always a veil
Of mystery between what I see
And what I know

“Times when the day is like a play by Sartre
when, it seems, a book-burning is in perfect order
~
Someday I’ll have a disappearing hairline
Someday I’ll wear pajamas in the daytime
Afternoons, will be measured out
Measured with coffee spoons
And T. S. Elliot”
-(also) Crash Test Dummies

How long can this last?
This feeling of being stretched out
Along miles and over a vast chasm
That separates questions and answers
Being on both sides at once
And not being wholly in either place

Bloody Hell! :)

I think I love this life, simply for its apparent dichotomies
So many things seem so two-sided, and yet
Choose again and choose again and on and on
And the shapes of my body change and my mind coalesces about them
I find comfort in discomfort sometimes,
as a means to just be at peace
And I want nothing more than to continue to choose

How can you possibly have read this far?
If I hadn’t written this, I’d have a headache by now
And would be drinking tea and sitting up in bed
Wondering where the hell all that came from
Wondering if I should try to sleep
Or to stay awake to avoid what dreams may come.

OK, well, you are still with me, I guess
Hearing my mind rambling about
Wandering through those woods behind your house
Watching myself, sitting on your back step
Smoking, probably stoned, and smiling

I liked sleeping with you much more
In “my” room than in “yours”
I’m not sure why, but it may have been the view
Out the window
To wake up and see the trees
And you, the yellow walls, your face so close
It seems like so long ago, but also, not so

My guitar is calling
It’s always been the place
Where I go when there’s nowhere else
But crazy

My children are talking
Singing in the kitchen
Playing games, a bit too rough
My life isn’t perfect, but, for now
It’s enough.

I guess I just want you to feel a little of
What I’m feeling now
The feeling of a light breeze, love
From 2,000 miles away