All I Want

I've been talking to friends, and reading a lot about people's self-definitions, and their search for fulfilling friends, lovers, and life-partners. In my experience, I have found that I cannot possibly be happy unless I understand and accept myself first. The more honest I am with myself, the better I know myself, changes (for the better) the kind of people who show up in my life - this has never failed me. Right now, I know some really excellent people- and you know who you are!

Anyway...

Since my divorce is final, some things that have been put on hold are now coming forward - they have been for a long time, but I'm going to be making more of a priority of what I want to see happen in my life. So many doors have closed, and I'm not complaining, those doors hanging open created a lot of confusion and pain in my life that I just didn't need So, now that my choices are more clear, I'm just gonna step up and dump my demands for mo' betta' happiness right out onto the table. I enjoy being me, and I enjoy other people who can be who they are because they love themselves and their lives.

The following is couched in terms of "Man Seeks Woman", and that is true, I'm looking for the lady, whoever she is, but it's more about openly defining the kind of friends and companions that I want in my life - I know I'm going to need to put up with some real trials from time to time, and I can handle that. But this is my list, as it were, my Nausicaa.

I'm looking for a friend; a soulmate, a partner, a singer, a lover of life.

Who I am:

I am 40 years old, 5'11", about 190 pounds, which, for me is about 25 pounds overweight (Going to the gym starting Monday- the kids are back in school!) I have had bad vision since I was born - it keeps me from flying competition jet aircraft and driving solo road-trips, but it has provided as many opportunities for me as it has limited. Because I was a long-time drug user, I have bad teeth. That's a difficult thing to admit in this world where pearly whites are a standard not to be messed with. When I'm able to get them fixed, I will - in the meantime, it helps keep the shallow folks at bay. I had a vascectomy several years ago, so no more children for me (like I need a few more.) I am strong, agile, and I can yell louder than most mothers I know. The last time my IQ was measured (I took a few tests over the last year), I averaged in the 140s- not to brag, I'm just glad that my bad habits didn't do me any more brain-damage than they have. I am funny, and sometimes overbearing- anybody who has spent time with me in life or on the boards knows that; I try to keep myself from becoming a nuisance, and am learning to do better. :)

I am in touch with my feminine side, and I like it. I have been called a male lesbian, a metro-sexual, a new-age man, and other things that I won't put here because they're not very nice. I enjoy the company of men who don't need to prove how manly they are. I could care less about pro sports or NASCAR- I'll watch and enjoy with friends who do love those things, but the stuff will just drift out my head shortly thereafter. My policy is that I'll learn from anyone I can, teach anyone who wants me to, and not feel threatened or superior in any case. My favorite color is black.

I am pedantic - I talk too much - I am easily distracted by scents and things that strike me as beautiful. I don't like ice cream, and I don't like chocolate unless it's really good chocolate.

As a sexual person, I would consider myself to be a passionate conservative- to me sex should be fun, but not dangerous. There is pleasure in pain, I understand, but that's a situation where more is definitely less. My sex-analogy is this; life is a giant carrot-cake (oh, yeah, I LOVE carrot cake), love is the icing (creme cheese, please), and sex is the sprinkles and extra stuff that makes it more esthetic, more tasty.

I am the single parent of six wonderful childrren. I put my career as a systems analyst on hold to make sure my kids have the home and love they need to grow up healthy and happy, and found my next career as a teacher. I am a stay-at-home-musician, I play guitar, drums, keyboards, hand-drums, I sing, and I write. I often catch myself lecturing my kids when they only need a little guidance. I get passive-agressive when I'm tired and or stressed out - I'm working on that. I also get grumpy if I sleep too much (hah! How often does THAT happen anymore?)

I am divorced! (woohoo!) after fifteen years of marriage and over five years of separation. I am loyal and caring, intelligent, innovative, hard-working, slightly neurotic, and most definitely too smart for my own good sometimes. I see every day as a miracle.

As the father of a small army of children, I have learned (am learning) to
be organized and constantly compromising and changing plans and balancing
resources to fit their needs and wants. It isn't easy, but it's the
best, most continuously rewarding job I've ever had. I can do anything, because I know I may have to do anything, every day.

I love music of ALL kinds, but dislike American-pop-pie radio. I
LOVE Radio Paradise!! I love sushi, movies, and reading. I am a friend to the mystic
ganja, but not a servant to it. I drink friendly wines and good beer
occasionally, and I know how much is enough. I dislike television,
violence, and drama-centric people. I love to talk about ideas, I
dislike arguing over politics or anything else, for that matter. I
enjoy talking and learning about spirituality and comparative religion, I
dislike finding fault with anyone for their beliefs. I have a quick,
kind of dry sense of humor, but I have been known to make my friends (and my
kids) laugh until we're all sick with it. :) I want a simple, peaceful
life, a life without conflict, a life that I can leave someday knowing
that I have done well, and given my best to those who will remain when I'm gone.

I smoke cigarettes, and have for a long time - I'm still pretty healthy, but I need to quit, and am working on it. I love good coffee - please do not sneak Folgers into anything that I must touch. I love garlic-stuffed olives, smoked oysters broiled in jabenero sauce, tempe, and anything you can think of that's made with a cooked lamb. I will happily eat anything raw that is grown in a garden (well, not beets, but I'll eat them cooked.) And, most importantly, I love the miraculous SysCo coffee and the greasy SysCo food they serve at the Fleetwood Diner at the corener of Ashley and Liberty, in Ann Arbor, MI!! RESPECT!

Who I'm looking for:

I am seeking a bright, shining human being with whom I can share my life and that of my children. when my children are older I want to travel. For now, I want someone to to be a part of the music and exchange of ideas that expresses my love of life. I am looking for osmeone who can find beauty and joy in a simple close family life, but who is independent enough not to unduly sacrifice her own dreams and goals. I want to meet someone who has her own opinions and knowledge, that I might learn to be a better person through her just being herself.

The special lady I am looking for must love children, especially intelligent, precocious children. She
must be interested in learning and teaching by being truly alive and awake. I want someone who understands that choosing to be happy is the road to happiness.

The ability and desire to sing and/or play music is a definite plus, because of the musical talents and nature of my family.

I am not looking for a replacement mom for my kids. They have one who loves them, and has her own place in their lives. I do, however want my children to respect and care for her as a friend, teacher, leader, and protector.

The old addage about "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." applies, I have been as careful as I can. Now I have to go take care of kids who want all kinds of stuff.

Peace, Love, Light
-b